Of course, this old white man Socrates, and his sidekick Glaucon, pretend like there’s no such thing as privilege, or even like it’s a good thing. Socrates is talking about creating a republic where some people are, like, gold? And they get to rule? And then some people are just bronze, and they’re, like, automatically stupid? Well I saw right through that and told him he was just a racist.
Instead of admitting it, he started going on about how we define racism, saying if you don’t define a term you can’t correctly apply it. What a total cope.
But he kept asking these lame questions, making it seem like I didn’t know what I was talking about. I’ve been diagnosed with severe imbalance of the humors and really can’t stand being talked down to, so finally I lost it and told him, “Racism means you don’t think everyone is equal, asshole!”
And Oh My Zeus, that just started this whole other round of questions, and the next I know, he’s got me going along with things that I know are racist.
He’s like, “Would you agree that some are better at geometry than others?” Then he’s like, “And might we find commonalities among many of those who are poor at geometry?” Then he’s like, “And what if the commonalities reside in the appearances, and inherited characteristics, of these geometry-challenged individuals?”
But I saw where it was going, and I was like, “I’ll tell you what: that means you’re a racist!”
And then Socrates, Glaucon, and all the other white men sitting around the gymnasium started laughing at me.
Then he told this long allegory, and this kid Glaucon is like “Precisely!” and “I see!” to everything he says. It’s totally sad. But when he finished and was looking all smug, I was like, “Good. If there aren’t any racists down in the cave, that’s where I want to be.”
That stopped him in his tracks. He said, “My child, you have demonstrated something that my poor attempts at elucidation never could. I am in your debt.”
Even though I totally won the dialectic, I know this “love of wisdom” crap is just dog whistles for xenophobia, hate, sexism, maybe even homophobia—which is really saying something for Greek guys.
If we want to preserve our democracy, and avoid the rise of another Adolph Homer, we better start paying serious attention to these philosophy guys, maybe get some special cocktails prepared for them, if you know what I mean.
Then the wicked Socrates was put to death after a trial that lasted a day. Serves him right for having thoughts, opinions and knowledge!
Ahhh it was so much easier disposing of old huwhite men back in the day. Simpler times.
I bet they wish they had gotten rid of that guy Aristotle before he had a chance to teach that racist Plato a thing or two.