Weekly News Massacre
Streamlined for your convenience, here are the top stories from the US of A and around the world!
The Clown Show of the Century
As you already know, Trump faces 34 felony counts—for allegedly banging broads and paying out hush money—brought by Soros-funded Diversity Attorney Alvin Bragg.
Shitlibs are acting like this is just the system working, and it is—the bolshevik system. Bill, Hill, Joe, Hunter, Barry, Mike and the rest of the Hunger Games Capital Players would get the Braveheart treatment if the laws of the land applied to everyone.
But somehow, the only top politico the law works on is the one liked by non-pedophiles.
I’m with the tinfoil hat gang, as well as that clever coolie Sun Tzu, on this one. If they throw the orange man in the clink, assume he’s an actor and it’s all staged to provoke you into reckless behavior. Don’t get psyop’d into a nationwide January 6.
The Breakfast Clusterfuck
Molly Ringworm, America’s sweetheart circa 1990, recently said her classic teen flicks, such as The Breakfast Club, suffer from a lack of diversity.
I suppose we could have Da Breffist Thugz—a 90-minute African-American battle royale in the school library, in which everyone’s clothes and wigs end up on the floor, until a drive-by breaks up the proceedings.
Or maybe The Blekfast Crub—90 minutes of Asian students working dutifully on their essay assignment…or 90 minutes of an empty library, because Asian kids don’t get detention in the first place.
Or The Breakfast Burrito Club—90 minutes of vatos defacing library books and getting high, and the vice principal hiding in his office to avoid being the subject of a gangland hit.
That would be your actual diversity, Molly. It ain’t just costumes and tans. If you’re gonna order soul food and Kung Pao chicken and enchiladas, don’t expect to dine on a cheeseburger and fries.
New National Slogan: “Death to America!”
Last week a bunch of Muslims in Henry Ford’s hometown of Dearborn, Michigan got caught chanting “Death to America!”, and this weekend mostly peaceful protesters in NYC repeated the empowering slogan to the pleasant glow of burning US flags.
Who could have predicted this? After all those “COEXIST” bumper stickers and DEI policies and movies and commercials featuring anyone but straight white men, every US citizen who doesn’t have blue eyes and/or a basic understanding of biological sex is still mad at Uncle Sam?
We mom-and-apple-pie folks have been so nice. We were just trying to help the scorpion get across the river. What gives?
Of course, our policies in the Middle Earth, intervening in the squabbles of foreign orcs and hobbits, are prompting this round of USA-hating. But remember the BLM riots, the response to MAGA in 2016, Rules for Radicals, the 1960s, etc., etc.
“Death to America” has always been the theme of the American left. Thanks, Muslims, for getting it out in the open.
World Bore III
On Saturday the guys with diapers on their heads launched a bunch of bottle rockets at the guys with doilies on their heads.
The bottle rockets were mostly intercepted by the Iron Doily, but the doily-heads are nonetheless big mad, and supposedly a bloodbath is imminent in that giant litter box on the other side of the world.
The carcass-in-chief mumbled words to the effect of, American blood and treasure will be expended on the doily-heads. But Big Bad Vlad and the ChiComs (great 1960s band, btw) seem to back the diaper-heads, so should things escalate, we’ve got a global gang-war on our hands.
I’m with hardcore Aryan stormtrooper Candace Owens on this one. War is a racket, so if you want the real story, ignore the propaganda and keep an eye on them bankers.
And that concludes this week’s Massacre. Remember, anything not covered here is totally irrelevant and should be ignored. Stay tuned for our upcoming, in-depth report on Kamala Harris’s alleged affair with the White House Nazi, Commander.
All this time the left has been trying to pin hush money to porn stars by Trump as if it is more important than taking money from China by Biden or Obama to give them state's secrets. I personally don't care if he screwed 100 porn stars or somebody else we don't know. What he did for this country was good. The Obama and Biden regimes have screwed the entire country and half the world. That's not good!
I’d much rather laugh than cry. So I come here for the laughs. Thanks.