Chinese Investor Buys Duct-Taped Banana for $6 Million at Auction

White-hot takes on current events from regular people like you!

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“There’s nothing wrong with paying an expert when you want something done right. Some of us aren’t do-it-yourselfers who can roll up our sleeves and take matters into our own hands when our bananas fall off the wall.”

– Tiphany Ming, Hairbrush Owner

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“This makes me feel deep personal embarrassment. Not being educated about different movements and interpretations of creativity, I have, over the course of my life, consumed billions of dollars worth of fine art.”

– Colin Moriarty, Former Garbage Pail Kid

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“Listen, meathead. There ain’t no way no chink paid that kind of dough for a banana. It’s them squinty eyes. He probably thought the price tag said sixty cents. Them little yellow guys is hardworking, but they ain’t too bright. That’s why this here communist boss, Chairman Mayo, was able to take over their country.”

– Archibald Bunker, Cultural Anthropologist

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“I wish this investor would have contacted me before he spent so much. I would have made him one of these for only five million…and as an added bonus you’d better believe he’d get his banana duct-taped, if you catch my meaning.”

– Joan Cartwright, Human Therapy Dog

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“Of course the plebs are shocked. Such unevolved brutes wouldn’t know true art if they slipped on it and cracked their heads open. Let those fools buy their tawdry Van Gogh prints from Target. For my part, I’ll take a work such as this, which requires one to peel back the layers and actually taste its meaning.”

– Reneta Delmonico, Air Traffic Controller

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