I Gulp the Wine

The aging liberal female anthem, sung to the tune of Johnny Cash's "I Walk the Line."

I keep a close close watch on this glass of mine
Can’t let it get beneath the half-full line
I have no husband and I’m turning forty-nine

But that’s just fine; I gulp the wine

I find it very very easy to have fun
Don’t mind my lewd jokes about your teenage son
I had three kids but I aborted every one

But I don't pine; I gulp the wine

As sure as Merlot’s red and Riesling's white
I’ll rant about evil white men all night
And the more I slur the more I know I’m right

And now I’m cryin’; refill my wine

You’ve got a way to keep me on your side
Agree that men are pigs who can’t be satisfied
And it’s their fault that I never was a bride

Because you’re lyin’, I gulp the wine

I keep a close watch on these cats of mine
At last count they numbered eighty-nine
And when I die alone upon my corpse they'll dine

Eat up, felines; hope I taste like wine