News Sonnet Massacre

Streamlined for thy convenience, here be the notable tidings from the USA and all corners of our dystopia!

Note: We know that sonnets should have quatrains three, but that could bore so we cut them to two. We think it’s fine but if you disagree, send your complaints to dontcare@fuckyou.

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Penny, Chauvin and Neely

Penny stopped Neely like Chauvin stopped Floyd
Bettering mankind and society
The cases’ sameness is hard to avoid
But Chauvin got screwed and Penny went free

Penny and Chauvin, it seems, are the same
Men who don't flinch, always do what they should
But men like these play a treacherous game
If the two met then it might not be good

If the two met then Penny with nerves steely
Might choke out Chauvin ’cause he too is kneely

MK-Ultra Luigi

A handsome young wop has answered the call
Name of Luigi, a smart guy who knows
How to reduce healthcare costs for us all
By giving lead-poison to CEOs

They say among the books Luigi read
Was the script writ by the bomber that's uni
When poor young Lu read what Uncle Ted said
The words, they tell us, made that kid go loony 

But what if all our Luigis and Teds
Are loony scripts writ for us by the feds?

Hawk Tuah’s Gift

Across the web praises have long been sang
Of the young tramp with a distinctive trick 
Her sage advice is to: “Spit on that thang!”
A Pavlov dog that will worry your stick

Of course, Hawk Tuah is of whom we speak
A mid-range broad with a mouth that won’t quit
Hawk took to hawking crypto-coin last week
Collected fortunes—then it turned to shit

All her poor fans who wish she had sucked ’em
Didn’t get touched, but Hawk Tuah fucked ’em 

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That’s our report on the news of the day. If you disliked it then you, sir, are gay. And not gay as the renowned bard might say, but a stick-bundle that’s flaming away.

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