Researchers: Martin Luther King Was a Sexually Degenerate Plagiarist Controlled by Communist Agents

White-hot takes on current events from regular people like you!

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“Okay, maybe that’s true, but is it really fair to judge him by the content of his character?”

– Tiphany Ming, Cattle Baron

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“Racists can try to tear Dr. King down, but the joke’s on them. We will always end up celebrating the man, because he was born on Martin Luther King Day.”

– Colin Moriarty, Antacid Aficionado

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“Who cares? Holidays honoring different groups’ heroes give us an opportunity to highlight Americans’ diverse tapestry of gifts. Like, on St. Patrick’s Day I put on a little green hat and paint freckles on my face. On MLK Day I break a store window and steal a flat-screen. I mean, wait…that was a joke. Please don’t print that.”

– Francis Cone, Imaginary Friend

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“Let’s not ruin MLK Day, people. Its good vibes create a balance, since our black brothers and sisters have to suffer through their equivalent of the Holocaust every year on Father’s Day.”

– Joan Cartwright, Whoremonger Ally

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