Incredibly Spiritual Man Realizes Other-Dimensional Entity Playing Practical Jokes

CEDAR, CA—Josh Crawford, a disheveled 33-year-old, looks distraught as he recounts his tale. “It all started when I got the idea to take some magic mushrooms after listening to the Joe Rogan podcast.”

Little did Crawford know, he was to become addicted to the experience, and would spend most of the next three years wandering outside of space-time.

Then one day, his spiritual journey came to a jarring halt.

“I was in this zen state, and Rahmtha, my spirit guide, had instructed me to sit in the park in a yellow skirt and hang laundry lines all over the shrubbery. Then, as he told me to start humming ‘Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds’ as loud as I could, I distinctly heard him lose control and start giggling.”

It was at this point the former gym instructor had a grim realization: the entity with whom he had made contact was humiliating him for personal amusement.

Rahmtha

When reached for comment via visions following copious amounts of psilocybin mushrooms, Rahmtha stated, “I get a lot of traffic from Rogan, so I started having some fun with it. Did Josh tell you how I had him dump his hot girlfriend and ask out the 300-pound black chick who worked at the dollar store? He just did it, no questions asked. What a knucklehead! But we love Josh. He’s a great sport.”

Asked if he had engaged in such antics before, Rahmtha could not resist gloating. ”Remember the Summer of Love? All those people who should have had jobs, dressing like hobos and dancing like they were having epileptic seizures? Yours truly, bro. I wrote the whole Sergeant Pepper album, told the Fab Four they were channeling really deep stuff lol.”

Upon realizing he was being psychically recorded, however, a halo of menacing fire appeared around Rhamtha’s head, and his tone changed. “Hey, you’re hallucinating, you sneaky asshole. Nobody’s gonna believe this. How about I trap your soul in Naraka for all eternity? Come here, you—”

Thankfully, the vision abruptly ended.

As for Josh Crawford, he is trying to rebuild his life. He has taken work as a janitor, and in spite of regular commands from Rahmtha, has so far resisted wearing a used mop head as a wig, and wearing his key ring as a nose piercing.