Weekly News Massacre!
Streamlined for your convenience, here are the top stories from the USA and...we forget.
Senile Swifties
A swiftie is an individual whose brain function is so not-swift that Taylor Swift strikes the individual as an exceptional talent. When not worshiping Ms. Swift, swifties have been known to occasionally get their shirt buttons in proper alignment, and to remove silverware from bowls when using microwave ovens.
Tragically, after spending a …
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